Bake something for someone.
Have you ever noticed how therapuetic baking can be? because I have. you follow directions. add things together. mix things. sometimes things that dont really seem like they should go together. and then next thing you know, something awesome comes out of it. sometimes its that way in life. when you least expect it things come together like that.
Doesn't happen overnight
but you turn around
And a month's gone by
and you realize you haven't criedI'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longerI'm busy getting stronger
Saturday, April 23, 2011
day 30 - further your career.
take a step to further your career.
this could be anything. go on an interview. ask for a raise. do something that gets you noticed. for me. it was interview. in 4 weeks i can start my career. so i'm realizing i need to start interviewing. start making connections. start my future now. I went on an interview. A place that i thought was just alright. but i went anyway. and guess what? it was awesome. interview went well. the place was amazing. and they offered me a job. with an amazing pay. and benefits. I couldnt even believe it. I was so caught up in missing him that i wasnt focusing on me. and the first time i do? this happens. life couldnt be better.
this could be anything. go on an interview. ask for a raise. do something that gets you noticed. for me. it was interview. in 4 weeks i can start my career. so i'm realizing i need to start interviewing. start making connections. start my future now. I went on an interview. A place that i thought was just alright. but i went anyway. and guess what? it was awesome. interview went well. the place was amazing. and they offered me a job. with an amazing pay. and benefits. I couldnt even believe it. I was so caught up in missing him that i wasnt focusing on me. and the first time i do? this happens. life couldnt be better.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
day 29- try something new
try a new place.
I found an article on OC register that had the top 10 best new bars in OC. There was this cool place called the "crosby". it described it as "hipster heaven". come on. what could be better? tattoo galore? i'm in. and it was all day happy hour monday. priceless. So my friend and i went to check it out. guess what they have?? pbr. for a DOLLAR. thats so cheap. you never find it like that. I mean, its pbr. its cheap anyway. but no bar has it for that. It was a small place, and not very crowded since we went at 5. but i could totally see it being slammin at night. definitely going to have to check back here. :)
The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
I can't help feeling,
We could have had it all,
I found an article on OC register that had the top 10 best new bars in OC. There was this cool place called the "crosby". it described it as "hipster heaven". come on. what could be better? tattoo galore? i'm in. and it was all day happy hour monday. priceless. So my friend and i went to check it out. guess what they have?? pbr. for a DOLLAR. thats so cheap. you never find it like that. I mean, its pbr. its cheap anyway. but no bar has it for that. It was a small place, and not very crowded since we went at 5. but i could totally see it being slammin at night. definitely going to have to check back here. :)
The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
I can't help feeling,
We could have had it all,
day 28 - watch a game
watch a game.
basketball. thats the only game i watch. and its playoffs. what better time of the year is there? play offs are amazing. today happened to be game one of the laker series. yesssss. went to yard house with a friend to watch the game. there suprisingly wasnt really a crowd. disappointed. AND the lakers lost. comeonnn.
posts are getting shorter and shorter. fewer and far between. suddenly its not about doing things to get my mind off him. its about doing things for me. my days fly by. my weeks fly by. my mind flies by.
basketball. thats the only game i watch. and its playoffs. what better time of the year is there? play offs are amazing. today happened to be game one of the laker series. yesssss. went to yard house with a friend to watch the game. there suprisingly wasnt really a crowd. disappointed. AND the lakers lost. comeonnn.
posts are getting shorter and shorter. fewer and far between. suddenly its not about doing things to get my mind off him. its about doing things for me. my days fly by. my weeks fly by. my mind flies by.
day 27 - help a friend.
Help out a friend.
So my friend bought a new house. and needed to paint the whole inside. so. I offered help. he offered beer. perfect mix right? right. spent my saturday painting the living room. and the bedroom. used the long paint rollers. arms were sore. blared girly music. laughed the whole day with my friends. drank beers. played j biebs. had a blast.
I'll get by, with a little help from my friends
So my friend bought a new house. and needed to paint the whole inside. so. I offered help. he offered beer. perfect mix right? right. spent my saturday painting the living room. and the bedroom. used the long paint rollers. arms were sore. blared girly music. laughed the whole day with my friends. drank beers. played j biebs. had a blast.
I'll get by, with a little help from my friends
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Day 26 - Go out with the girls
Go out with the girls tonight.
So the girls wanted to do girls night. Dinner and drinks. I dressed up. I did my hair. My make up. Put on my new necklace from shopping the other day. Put on heels. Felt good....for the first time in a while. Felt pretty. Went to dinner. Had a Spicy cucumber jalepeno margarita. So good. Ate shrimp...which i hate. and just talked. Not about him. We went to a new bar after. Something we'd never heard of...but decided to try. It was really cool. really different than anything I've ever been too. really loungey. had a beer. talked about life. they brought him up. its like i can never get away. i said my piece and changed the subject. Before I wanted to talk about him...all the time. because I couldnt get over it. now.. ill talk about anything but him. got looks from boys. had a boy buy me a drink. told you i looked good tonight. :) forgot about him. focused on me. and the boy that bought me a drink.
Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
So the girls wanted to do girls night. Dinner and drinks. I dressed up. I did my hair. My make up. Put on my new necklace from shopping the other day. Put on heels. Felt good....for the first time in a while. Felt pretty. Went to dinner. Had a Spicy cucumber jalepeno margarita. So good. Ate shrimp...which i hate. and just talked. Not about him. We went to a new bar after. Something we'd never heard of...but decided to try. It was really cool. really different than anything I've ever been too. really loungey. had a beer. talked about life. they brought him up. its like i can never get away. i said my piece and changed the subject. Before I wanted to talk about him...all the time. because I couldnt get over it. now.. ill talk about anything but him. got looks from boys. had a boy buy me a drink. told you i looked good tonight. :) forgot about him. focused on me. and the boy that bought me a drink.
Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Day 25 - Take a new Class
Take a class.
Any kind of class. At the gym. At the community. At the school. Anything. I went to the gym and took a mat pilates class. SO FUN!. I hate yoga so I didnt know how it would be. but it was way more fun than i thought. Maybe it was because of the instructor. He was ridiculously gay. And i mean....flaming. He was too funny. He says "In and out" when youre breathing. then starts singing the in and out song. he says "rollie pollie'' when hes telling you to pull your tummy in. Or his other favorite is "squish your tummies". but he has an accent, and is very clearly gay. So its just really funny. He plays awesome music during the workout. Its not a slow class like yoga. Its almost more dancy. I really enjoyed it. And im already sore as heck. and i didnt think about him. I was so focused on myself and making myself better, that he was the last thing on my mind. I took it with a girlfriend so we giggled the whole way through it. I'm starting to be me again. I dont think of it all the time. I dont cry all the time. I dont miss him all the time.
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand,
Any kind of class. At the gym. At the community. At the school. Anything. I went to the gym and took a mat pilates class. SO FUN!. I hate yoga so I didnt know how it would be. but it was way more fun than i thought. Maybe it was because of the instructor. He was ridiculously gay. And i mean....flaming. He was too funny. He says "In and out" when youre breathing. then starts singing the in and out song. he says "rollie pollie'' when hes telling you to pull your tummy in. Or his other favorite is "squish your tummies". but he has an accent, and is very clearly gay. So its just really funny. He plays awesome music during the workout. Its not a slow class like yoga. Its almost more dancy. I really enjoyed it. And im already sore as heck. and i didnt think about him. I was so focused on myself and making myself better, that he was the last thing on my mind. I took it with a girlfriend so we giggled the whole way through it. I'm starting to be me again. I dont think of it all the time. I dont cry all the time. I dont miss him all the time.
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand,
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Day 24 - Lifetime
Watch a lame lifetime movie.
I know you all have watched at least one before. I go through spurts. I'll record a whole bunch of them and watch them. Then I wont watch the channel for months. Today I was flipping through the channels and a movie was just starting. It was called double wedding. tia and tamera were in it. Remember them from sister sister? yeah. me too. So it was really lame. but also really awesome. It was about these twins, that were dating the same guy, but didnt know they were. Totally unrealistic right? I know. But it made me laugh. and shake my head. and at one point, i hate to admit it. but i cried. I dont know if it was because I missed that "love" feeling. Or what. but there were some tears.
for those of you girls that have never watched a lifetime movie. I highly suggest it. theyre so lame that theyre entertaining. the acting is so horrible it makes you laugh. and the plots are so unrealistic that you can predict every last detail. but still. watch it. I bet anything my sister has seen this one too. shes a lame lifetime junkie like myself. :)
I would've lied, could've cried
Should've tried harder
Done anything to make you stay
I wonder what you'd do if you looked out your window
And saw me runnin' down the runway just like I was crazy
But that fence is too high
So am I
So I'm just sittin' out here watchin' airplanes
Take off and fly
Tryin' to figure out which one you might be on
And why you don't love me anymore
I know you all have watched at least one before. I go through spurts. I'll record a whole bunch of them and watch them. Then I wont watch the channel for months. Today I was flipping through the channels and a movie was just starting. It was called double wedding. tia and tamera were in it. Remember them from sister sister? yeah. me too. So it was really lame. but also really awesome. It was about these twins, that were dating the same guy, but didnt know they were. Totally unrealistic right? I know. But it made me laugh. and shake my head. and at one point, i hate to admit it. but i cried. I dont know if it was because I missed that "love" feeling. Or what. but there were some tears.
for those of you girls that have never watched a lifetime movie. I highly suggest it. theyre so lame that theyre entertaining. the acting is so horrible it makes you laugh. and the plots are so unrealistic that you can predict every last detail. but still. watch it. I bet anything my sister has seen this one too. shes a lame lifetime junkie like myself. :)
I would've lied, could've cried
Should've tried harder
Done anything to make you stay
I wonder what you'd do if you looked out your window
And saw me runnin' down the runway just like I was crazy
But that fence is too high
So am I
So I'm just sittin' out here watchin' airplanes
Take off and fly
Tryin' to figure out which one you might be on
And why you don't love me anymore
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Day 23 - Taco Tuesday
Go have fun at Taco Tuesday.
Have a beer. Have a taco. Endulge and dont worry about anything. So one of my girlfriends called me. She's heartbroken. Her boyfriend dumped her. shes a mess. shes like me. So naturally. i got the girls together. and we went to taco tuesday. it was crowded. and fun. and all you can eat. we each at SIX tacos. granted they're like baby tacos. but still. six. im still full and i've been home for 2 hours. I dont know what I was thinking. but sometimes. you just have to not think. have fun with the girls. forget about everything else. forget about him.
A patient told me today that i was a good woman. that i'd make a great wife one day. but he hoped it wasnt to some scoundrel. I told him i usually find myself with jerky guys. and his response. "were all jerks. but you'll find one someday that will want to change for you. and wont be a jerk anymore"
well then. i leave you with this.
"I might have to wait, I'll never give upI
guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life
And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility
And somehow I know that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet"
Have a beer. Have a taco. Endulge and dont worry about anything. So one of my girlfriends called me. She's heartbroken. Her boyfriend dumped her. shes a mess. shes like me. So naturally. i got the girls together. and we went to taco tuesday. it was crowded. and fun. and all you can eat. we each at SIX tacos. granted they're like baby tacos. but still. six. im still full and i've been home for 2 hours. I dont know what I was thinking. but sometimes. you just have to not think. have fun with the girls. forget about everything else. forget about him.
A patient told me today that i was a good woman. that i'd make a great wife one day. but he hoped it wasnt to some scoundrel. I told him i usually find myself with jerky guys. and his response. "were all jerks. but you'll find one someday that will want to change for you. and wont be a jerk anymore"
well then. i leave you with this.
"I might have to wait, I'll never give upI
guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life
And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility
And somehow I know that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet"
Monday, April 11, 2011
Day 22 - join a dating site.
Join a dating website.
Yeah. You heard me. Join one. I'm already part of one. My friend made me sign up for one last year, and I never really used it. So i activated it. and suprisingly, its kinda awesome. Even though I dont really message people back that often, its a total self esteem booster. guys are constantly messaging you telling you how awesome you are. I'm not sure who i'll actually end up going out with. Or if i even will. But its definitely a good distraction. As lame as it sounds, it totally fills the "texting" void i've had. I used to text him all day. everyday. and now...thats gone. but whenever i feel the need to text him, i'll log onto the dating website app, and have like 10 messages. Its kinda fun.
who knows. Maybe ill go on a date as my activity one of these days. Ive never really been on dates. I usually know the guy before I get in a relationship with them and somehow just am in a relationship without dating. I need to date around. test the waters before I get in a relationship. And who knows, maybe the dating site will help me with that.
"now you'll never see. what youve done to me. you can take back your memories. they're no good to me. and heres all your lies. you can look me in the eye. with that sad sad look that you wear so well."
Yeah. You heard me. Join one. I'm already part of one. My friend made me sign up for one last year, and I never really used it. So i activated it. and suprisingly, its kinda awesome. Even though I dont really message people back that often, its a total self esteem booster. guys are constantly messaging you telling you how awesome you are. I'm not sure who i'll actually end up going out with. Or if i even will. But its definitely a good distraction. As lame as it sounds, it totally fills the "texting" void i've had. I used to text him all day. everyday. and now...thats gone. but whenever i feel the need to text him, i'll log onto the dating website app, and have like 10 messages. Its kinda fun.
who knows. Maybe ill go on a date as my activity one of these days. Ive never really been on dates. I usually know the guy before I get in a relationship with them and somehow just am in a relationship without dating. I need to date around. test the waters before I get in a relationship. And who knows, maybe the dating site will help me with that.
"now you'll never see. what youve done to me. you can take back your memories. they're no good to me. and heres all your lies. you can look me in the eye. with that sad sad look that you wear so well."
Day 21 - Shop.
Go shopping for whatever you love.
Go shopping. Even if you don't have a lot of extra money. go somewhere cheap. I love big rings. and big necklaces. I wear them every day. i love them. people know me for the big rings i wear. Wanna know where i buy them? down town LA. for a dollar. Yup. dollar. one of my friends asked me to take her down there and show her the ropes. get her the deals. So why not? I love a little shopping spree.
spent about 2 hours in the garment district. bought 3 rings. 4 necklaces. 2 pairs of earrings. 1 hair flower. parking. some excellent chile powder, lemon juice covered pinapple. guess how much I spent? $16.
She asked me about him. Last time I saw her, I was going up to visit him. The weekend that ruined things. I answered her questions. She couldnt believe it. She thought he was so great. She thought wrong. I thought wrong. I didn't cry. I wasnt sad. Im moving on.
"truth be told i miss you. truth be told im lying. when you see my face hope it gives you hell. when you walk my way hope it gives you hell. hope it gives you hell."
Go shopping. Even if you don't have a lot of extra money. go somewhere cheap. I love big rings. and big necklaces. I wear them every day. i love them. people know me for the big rings i wear. Wanna know where i buy them? down town LA. for a dollar. Yup. dollar. one of my friends asked me to take her down there and show her the ropes. get her the deals. So why not? I love a little shopping spree.
spent about 2 hours in the garment district. bought 3 rings. 4 necklaces. 2 pairs of earrings. 1 hair flower. parking. some excellent chile powder, lemon juice covered pinapple. guess how much I spent? $16.
She asked me about him. Last time I saw her, I was going up to visit him. The weekend that ruined things. I answered her questions. She couldnt believe it. She thought he was so great. She thought wrong. I thought wrong. I didn't cry. I wasnt sad. Im moving on.
"truth be told i miss you. truth be told im lying. when you see my face hope it gives you hell. when you walk my way hope it gives you hell. hope it gives you hell."
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Day 20- Go on a boat!
Go on a boat. On a tour. On the ocean.
Whale watching. Thats what we did. SO FUN. Ok so the whale was kind of boring. but at least we saw one! They told us they were 0/19 on whale sightings. We got on the boat and headed out to the water and within about 5 minutes saw a grey whale. You could see his blow hole (i feel like theres a thats what she said comment somewhere in here). And the water shooting up. He did a few breaches so we could see his back, but he never flipped his tail up. which was slightly disappointing. We did however see a pod of dolphins before. Ive seen dolphins before, maybe like 20 in a group or something. But man, there had to be upwards of 200 here. There were so many. they surrounded the boat. they jumped up. out of the water. they had the baby dolphins right by them. they were SO cute. I LOVE dolphins. they're my 2nd favorite water animal. first? beluga whale. haha. Theyre so ugly that they're cute. :) We bought our tickets off Groupon so it was only 15 dollars to go for 2 hours. It was quite fun, and i'd definitely suggest it.
"im surrounded by, a million people and i, still feel all alone. i wanna go home. "
Whale watching. Thats what we did. SO FUN. Ok so the whale was kind of boring. but at least we saw one! They told us they were 0/19 on whale sightings. We got on the boat and headed out to the water and within about 5 minutes saw a grey whale. You could see his blow hole (i feel like theres a thats what she said comment somewhere in here). And the water shooting up. He did a few breaches so we could see his back, but he never flipped his tail up. which was slightly disappointing. We did however see a pod of dolphins before. Ive seen dolphins before, maybe like 20 in a group or something. But man, there had to be upwards of 200 here. There were so many. they surrounded the boat. they jumped up. out of the water. they had the baby dolphins right by them. they were SO cute. I LOVE dolphins. they're my 2nd favorite water animal. first? beluga whale. haha. Theyre so ugly that they're cute. :) We bought our tickets off Groupon so it was only 15 dollars to go for 2 hours. It was quite fun, and i'd definitely suggest it.
"im surrounded by, a million people and i, still feel all alone. i wanna go home. "
Day 19 - Happy Hour
Go to happy hour.
So i'm not the type of person that calls up someone to make plans....yet i'm always busy. I dunno, maybe i'll send a text sometimes asking what someone is doing. But i rarely am the first to try and make plans. I have this weird phobia of asking questions. I know that sounds silly, but its true. My family makes fun of me for it. I wont even ask for something at a restaurant. But thats just me.
I got home from work on friday (have I mentioned Im home by 4 these days? amazing) and I thought i was going to take a nap. I was about to get in bed, and i thought. why not see what my friend was doing? She works far from where she lives and my house seems to be right in the middle. She always tries to go to happy hour with me so she doesnt have to sit in traffic, but i'm usually busy. But today, without thought, I called her up and asked her to meet me at happy hour. She was about to pass my house, so it was perfect timing. We met up at Fridays and had such a good time. We drank, we ate, we laughed, we talked, and we played trivia. Her fiance came, who is also one of my good friends. It was such a fun time! I dont know if you ever have played trivia at a bar, but its super fun. Because you spend half the time looking around the bar to see who else is playing and who all the code names were.
best news of all? I didnt think of him. I didnt talk about him. I didnt want him. I was happy right where I was.
"so watch me strike a match on all my wasted time. As far as I'm concerned youre just another picture to burn."
So i'm not the type of person that calls up someone to make plans....yet i'm always busy. I dunno, maybe i'll send a text sometimes asking what someone is doing. But i rarely am the first to try and make plans. I have this weird phobia of asking questions. I know that sounds silly, but its true. My family makes fun of me for it. I wont even ask for something at a restaurant. But thats just me.
I got home from work on friday (have I mentioned Im home by 4 these days? amazing) and I thought i was going to take a nap. I was about to get in bed, and i thought. why not see what my friend was doing? She works far from where she lives and my house seems to be right in the middle. She always tries to go to happy hour with me so she doesnt have to sit in traffic, but i'm usually busy. But today, without thought, I called her up and asked her to meet me at happy hour. She was about to pass my house, so it was perfect timing. We met up at Fridays and had such a good time. We drank, we ate, we laughed, we talked, and we played trivia. Her fiance came, who is also one of my good friends. It was such a fun time! I dont know if you ever have played trivia at a bar, but its super fun. Because you spend half the time looking around the bar to see who else is playing and who all the code names were.
best news of all? I didnt think of him. I didnt talk about him. I didnt want him. I was happy right where I was.
"so watch me strike a match on all my wasted time. As far as I'm concerned youre just another picture to burn."
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Day 18 - Plan a trip
Plan a trip somewhere. anywhere.
Vegas. Thats what I'm planning. I'm getting out of here. partying. celebrating. having my time. my friends time. vegas time. I'm going memorial weekend with friends from school to celebrate graduation and done with clinicals. and it happens to be my bday time. so thats good! Today we did the preliminary business. Looked up hotels and prices. Not too bad. were getting a suite. celebrating in style. You ever have one of those vegas trips where you stay up till 6 am? stumble back to your room, sleeep a few hours then go start drinking again at the pool? take a nap then get ready to go out at like 10pm? yeah. thats what i'm thinking. sounds about right. havent had one of those in a while. :-)
"Thats what you get for waking up in vegas"
Vegas. Thats what I'm planning. I'm getting out of here. partying. celebrating. having my time. my friends time. vegas time. I'm going memorial weekend with friends from school to celebrate graduation and done with clinicals. and it happens to be my bday time. so thats good! Today we did the preliminary business. Looked up hotels and prices. Not too bad. were getting a suite. celebrating in style. You ever have one of those vegas trips where you stay up till 6 am? stumble back to your room, sleeep a few hours then go start drinking again at the pool? take a nap then get ready to go out at like 10pm? yeah. thats what i'm thinking. sounds about right. havent had one of those in a while. :-)
"Thats what you get for waking up in vegas"
Day 17 - catch up with a friend
catch up with a friend.
Hang out with someone you havent seen in a while. For me, it was a girl i've known since kindergarden. We go months without talking, but then when we see eachother, its like no times gone by. She wanted to go into the spa and have wine. again. we talked about him. but you know what? she had some good advice. i've been trying to figure out why its SO hard to get over him. what is holding me back? we talked about it, and it makes sense. for the first time i actually had plans for my future. for my life. I had a date I was moving. a place i was going to live. a boy i was going to spend my life with. but hes just that... a boy. and he got scared. and for that. MY LIFE changed. I feel like i'm starting over. from scratch. and thats hard.
But even though we talked about him, it was so nice to connect with a friend i havent in a while. It sucks that it takes breaking up with a boyfriend to reconnect with a friend. but maybe its a good thing. It never hurts to have friends around.
"I'm over my head, and I know it
I'm doing my best not to show it
Whatever it takes to be what I was meant to be, I'm going to try
Cause I'm living the dream and I know it,
I'm trying my best not to blow it,
And I know everything will be fine
With me, myself and time.
I'll find myself in time,
I know I'll find myself in time"
Hang out with someone you havent seen in a while. For me, it was a girl i've known since kindergarden. We go months without talking, but then when we see eachother, its like no times gone by. She wanted to go into the spa and have wine. again. we talked about him. but you know what? she had some good advice. i've been trying to figure out why its SO hard to get over him. what is holding me back? we talked about it, and it makes sense. for the first time i actually had plans for my future. for my life. I had a date I was moving. a place i was going to live. a boy i was going to spend my life with. but hes just that... a boy. and he got scared. and for that. MY LIFE changed. I feel like i'm starting over. from scratch. and thats hard.
But even though we talked about him, it was so nice to connect with a friend i havent in a while. It sucks that it takes breaking up with a boyfriend to reconnect with a friend. but maybe its a good thing. It never hurts to have friends around.
"I'm over my head, and I know it
I'm doing my best not to show it
Whatever it takes to be what I was meant to be, I'm going to try
Cause I'm living the dream and I know it,
I'm trying my best not to blow it,
And I know everything will be fine
With me, myself and time.
I'll find myself in time,
I know I'll find myself in time"
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Day 16 - Spa sesh!
Relax in the spa.
It's been a long week already and its only tuesday. I'm exhausted. I'm drained. I'm numb. but I ache. And I dont just mean my heart. I physically ache. I don't know if its my physically demanding job. Or all the emotions catching up. Or if I'm getting sick. all i know, is my entire body aches. So when my friend suggested a spa sesh, I was down.
There were just three of us that went to the spa at my friends apartment complex. No wine. no music. just us. and we talked. the girls honestly didn't know I had even broken up with him. I've kept it to myself alot. kept it quiet. havent talked about it. but tonight, when they asked. it was the first time i talked. i didn't cry. i didnt get mad. i talked about it. it happened, i acknowledged it. and im slowly moving on. One of my friends was talking about her boy problems too. and how she has a friend in egypt that is going through the same thing with a boy. EGYPT! It kind of dawned on me tonight, that i'm not the only person feeling like this in the world. (duh right?) I mean, i've been so miserable and caught up in myself, but if you think about it, how many people do you know going through a break up right now? ALOT? yeah.
I drove home with that on my mind. Its such a clear night tonight that you can see so many stars out. I looked up at the stars and wondered how many people in the world are doing the same thing right now? staring up at the sky. getting over him. moving onto themselves. I bet you theres more than you think. were not alone.
"I get by with a little help from my friends"
It's been a long week already and its only tuesday. I'm exhausted. I'm drained. I'm numb. but I ache. And I dont just mean my heart. I physically ache. I don't know if its my physically demanding job. Or all the emotions catching up. Or if I'm getting sick. all i know, is my entire body aches. So when my friend suggested a spa sesh, I was down.
There were just three of us that went to the spa at my friends apartment complex. No wine. no music. just us. and we talked. the girls honestly didn't know I had even broken up with him. I've kept it to myself alot. kept it quiet. havent talked about it. but tonight, when they asked. it was the first time i talked. i didn't cry. i didnt get mad. i talked about it. it happened, i acknowledged it. and im slowly moving on. One of my friends was talking about her boy problems too. and how she has a friend in egypt that is going through the same thing with a boy. EGYPT! It kind of dawned on me tonight, that i'm not the only person feeling like this in the world. (duh right?) I mean, i've been so miserable and caught up in myself, but if you think about it, how many people do you know going through a break up right now? ALOT? yeah.
I drove home with that on my mind. Its such a clear night tonight that you can see so many stars out. I looked up at the stars and wondered how many people in the world are doing the same thing right now? staring up at the sky. getting over him. moving onto themselves. I bet you theres more than you think. were not alone.
"I get by with a little help from my friends"
Monday, April 4, 2011
Day 15 - Do you.
Do you. the right way. the cheap way.
I've been neglecting myself so much. I know its true. Between getting over him and doing my clinicals. I dont have time for me. at all. I work. I sleep. I cry. i'm in a daze. I feel numb. except I still cry.
But today was about me.
I painted my nails.
I painted my toes
I whitened my teeth
I used one of those nose strips.
I french braided my hair after the shower so itll be all wavey tomorrow.
I took a nap.
I washed clothes.
I didn't miss him.
well maybe only a little. but thats better right?
"the hardest part of ending is starting again." true story.
I've been neglecting myself so much. I know its true. Between getting over him and doing my clinicals. I dont have time for me. at all. I work. I sleep. I cry. i'm in a daze. I feel numb. except I still cry.
But today was about me.
I painted my nails.
I painted my toes
I whitened my teeth
I used one of those nose strips.
I french braided my hair after the shower so itll be all wavey tomorrow.
I took a nap.
I washed clothes.
I didn't miss him.
well maybe only a little. but thats better right?
"the hardest part of ending is starting again." true story.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Day 14 - watch TV.
Catch up on all your favorite shows.
So we all record things. Things that look interesting. shows you love. shows you want to love. but do we really have time to watch them all? If youre anything like me...you sure don't. I have like weeks worth of shows recorded, but havnet watched them. So today, while i was recovering from my crazy san diego night i watched them all. I watched greys, private practice, american idol, house, rules of engagement, big bang theory, csi. everything. I didn't realize I record so many shows I dont get a chance to watch. it was a lazy. awesome. wonderful day.
time for bed to prepare for the crazy week starting tomorrow!
So we all record things. Things that look interesting. shows you love. shows you want to love. but do we really have time to watch them all? If youre anything like me...you sure don't. I have like weeks worth of shows recorded, but havnet watched them. So today, while i was recovering from my crazy san diego night i watched them all. I watched greys, private practice, american idol, house, rules of engagement, big bang theory, csi. everything. I didn't realize I record so many shows I dont get a chance to watch. it was a lazy. awesome. wonderful day.
time for bed to prepare for the crazy week starting tomorrow!
Day 13 - get out of town
Get out of town.
Even if its just for the day. just for the night. an hour away. anything. Theres too many things here that remind you of him. too many places you went. too many people. sometimes its nice to get away. forget everything around you. forget everyone. just take off and disapear. And thats exactly what I did.
I took off to san diego with my best friend to stay with her brother. We went to downtown and had quite the day of Day Drinking. try it. SO fun. you don't worry about anything. you watch the sports games on. you talk to people. you get drinks bought for you. you make friends. and best of all? you dont think of him. I spent a total of $11 the whole day. That is after drinking, taking shots, and eating. twice. Guess it pays off to be a girl huh?
almost two weeks down. the rest of my life to go....
Even if its just for the day. just for the night. an hour away. anything. Theres too many things here that remind you of him. too many places you went. too many people. sometimes its nice to get away. forget everything around you. forget everyone. just take off and disapear. And thats exactly what I did.
I took off to san diego with my best friend to stay with her brother. We went to downtown and had quite the day of Day Drinking. try it. SO fun. you don't worry about anything. you watch the sports games on. you talk to people. you get drinks bought for you. you make friends. and best of all? you dont think of him. I spent a total of $11 the whole day. That is after drinking, taking shots, and eating. twice. Guess it pays off to be a girl huh?
almost two weeks down. the rest of my life to go....
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Day 12 - See a Movie with a friend
Go see a movie!
Total spur of the moment idea. I was with a friend from school and we were having a few drinks watching this really lame performer. He loves movies (yes I said he. but totally platonic!). So we were talking about whats out right now, and we looked up Incedious (think thats how you spell it...too lazy to look it up!) The reviews said things like "scariest movie i've seen in a long time" but it was only rated PG13. how scary could it be? My friend doesnt LOVE scary movies....but agreed to see it because I really wanted to.
We walk into the theater and its packed. we squeeze into the middle of a close row that had two open seats. Sit down. Lights go out. movie starts. It was kind of filmed like paranormal activity. But I wasnt really scared by paranormal...it was just alright. But this? Man. My friend made fun of me because on multiple times I jumped, gasped, or screamed. and it wasnt just me! The whole audience did. everyone laughed at themselves, but at the same time, were super scared. I watched the movie hidden behind my jacket the whole time. Definitely thought i'd have nightmares when I got home. Overall. Good movie. Too bad my friend kept falling asleep. I kept poking him to make sure he saw the scary parts. I guess thats what happens when you drink before watching a movie. haha.
Off topic...but for some reason I keep singing these lines over and over in my head. maybe its a good thing?
"hate is a strong word, but i really really really dont like you. now that its over, i dont even know what i liked about you. brought you around. and you just brought me down. Hate is a strong word, but i really really really dont like you".
hmmm.
Total spur of the moment idea. I was with a friend from school and we were having a few drinks watching this really lame performer. He loves movies (yes I said he. but totally platonic!). So we were talking about whats out right now, and we looked up Incedious (think thats how you spell it...too lazy to look it up!) The reviews said things like "scariest movie i've seen in a long time" but it was only rated PG13. how scary could it be? My friend doesnt LOVE scary movies....but agreed to see it because I really wanted to.
We walk into the theater and its packed. we squeeze into the middle of a close row that had two open seats. Sit down. Lights go out. movie starts. It was kind of filmed like paranormal activity. But I wasnt really scared by paranormal...it was just alright. But this? Man. My friend made fun of me because on multiple times I jumped, gasped, or screamed. and it wasnt just me! The whole audience did. everyone laughed at themselves, but at the same time, were super scared. I watched the movie hidden behind my jacket the whole time. Definitely thought i'd have nightmares when I got home. Overall. Good movie. Too bad my friend kept falling asleep. I kept poking him to make sure he saw the scary parts. I guess thats what happens when you drink before watching a movie. haha.
Off topic...but for some reason I keep singing these lines over and over in my head. maybe its a good thing?
"hate is a strong word, but i really really really dont like you. now that its over, i dont even know what i liked about you. brought you around. and you just brought me down. Hate is a strong word, but i really really really dont like you".
hmmm.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
day 11- do something with mom
Do something with your mom.
So mom and I dont always get along. we actually probably fight more than not. We go through spurts of friendship. Right now, we're friends. most of the time. Mom is quite the little exercise fiend. Im talkin, working out hours every day. She always tries to get me to go take a class with her. I usually refuse. Not because i'm lazy...ok maybe I am a little bit. Sometimes I'm tired. sometimes i'd rather do something else. sometimes i just plain dont want to go. But you know those little community books with the classes at the community center? Well, we got one. There were quite a few good classes I wanted to try, but theyre so expensive! We found one called "trimnastics" and its only $29 for 8 weeks! pretty freakin cheap. So we've had these plans to do the class on thursdays.
I'm not gonna lie, today was a long day. alot happened and the last thing I wanted to do was go to the class. but i went. for her. The class was pretty funny. Wasnt that great of a workout. Kinda felt like a lame dancy workout video. something from the 80's. but it was entertaining. who knows, maybe i'll even be sore tomorrow! (doubtful. but a girl can hope)
Do something outside of the box. something you wouldnt normally do. something for someone else. something that makes you laugh. smile. have a good time being you. something that has nothing to do with HIM.
So mom and I dont always get along. we actually probably fight more than not. We go through spurts of friendship. Right now, we're friends. most of the time. Mom is quite the little exercise fiend. Im talkin, working out hours every day. She always tries to get me to go take a class with her. I usually refuse. Not because i'm lazy...ok maybe I am a little bit. Sometimes I'm tired. sometimes i'd rather do something else. sometimes i just plain dont want to go. But you know those little community books with the classes at the community center? Well, we got one. There were quite a few good classes I wanted to try, but theyre so expensive! We found one called "trimnastics" and its only $29 for 8 weeks! pretty freakin cheap. So we've had these plans to do the class on thursdays.
I'm not gonna lie, today was a long day. alot happened and the last thing I wanted to do was go to the class. but i went. for her. The class was pretty funny. Wasnt that great of a workout. Kinda felt like a lame dancy workout video. something from the 80's. but it was entertaining. who knows, maybe i'll even be sore tomorrow! (doubtful. but a girl can hope)
Do something outside of the box. something you wouldnt normally do. something for someone else. something that makes you laugh. smile. have a good time being you. something that has nothing to do with HIM.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Day 10- Watch a childhood movie
watch a movie that reminds you of your childhood.
All dogs go to heaven. Remember that movie? I do. well. kinda. I knew I loved the movie. I knew i remembered it. I knew I wanted to watch it. I went to a girlfriends house. Popped a bottle of wine. And put on the movie. First ten minutes, and i realized....I didn't remember the movie at all. I didn't even remember there was a little girl in it! The movie is all about the girl! So funny how I remember some things, and not others! And then some scary things happened. There was the big weird dragon thing that wanted to eat charlie. but then ended up saving the little girl? I dont know. I can't believe the movie didnt frighten me when I was younger. It frightened me tonight! Ahhh. It was so fun reliving my child hood tonight. Made me think of ALL the movies that I want to watch and see how I feel about them now. Here's my list. Can you think of others I should watch?
Brave little Toaster.
Land before Time
Little Mermaid
Cinderella
Ferngully
101 Dalmations.
I think my friend and I have turned this into a weekly event. Watch the movies that remind us of being a little kid. That reminds me of when things didn't matter. When things were easy. When things were just me.
All dogs go to heaven. Remember that movie? I do. well. kinda. I knew I loved the movie. I knew i remembered it. I knew I wanted to watch it. I went to a girlfriends house. Popped a bottle of wine. And put on the movie. First ten minutes, and i realized....I didn't remember the movie at all. I didn't even remember there was a little girl in it! The movie is all about the girl! So funny how I remember some things, and not others! And then some scary things happened. There was the big weird dragon thing that wanted to eat charlie. but then ended up saving the little girl? I dont know. I can't believe the movie didnt frighten me when I was younger. It frightened me tonight! Ahhh. It was so fun reliving my child hood tonight. Made me think of ALL the movies that I want to watch and see how I feel about them now. Here's my list. Can you think of others I should watch?
Brave little Toaster.
Land before Time
Little Mermaid
Cinderella
Ferngully
101 Dalmations.
I think my friend and I have turned this into a weekly event. Watch the movies that remind us of being a little kid. That reminds me of when things didn't matter. When things were easy. When things were just me.
and on that note....i'll leave you with THIS.
"Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid I'm still standing after all this time Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind"
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid I'm still standing after all this time Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind"
Day 9 - take a nap!
Take a nap!
What happened to yesterdays blog? i dunno. Did I write it? Nope. Did I forget about it? Nope. Was I exhausted? Yup! Was I too lazy? Yup!
I was SO exhausted that I turned my activity today into a NAP! Have you ever just layed down in the middle of the day and fallen asleep? Purposefully? I remember when I was a little kid and HAD to lay down for a nap. I didn't want to. I would stare at the ceiling. Or play in my room quietly so mom thought I was sleeping. Or in kindergarden, I'd be so sad when it was nap time because I wanted to play. I didn't want to take a nap. but ohhhh what I would give for a "nap time" daily now. I swear. My life is so busy and physically demanding, that a nap every day at say 1:00pm would be wonderful. But it cant happen. I think i'd be out of a job if i was found sleeping on the clock. But yesterday I was home from work by 4. and wanna know the first thing I did? climb into bed and fall asleep. not for the night. not even for a few hours. but definitely for an hour. and it was WONDERFUL. I felt so much better when I woke up. So relieved. and so capable of doing everything I had to do yesterday. I felt like a kid again. I felt like I could definitely do it every day. nap time. 4pm. daily. :-) Haha. Doubt that will really happen. but when you get the chance. even if its for 20 minutes. take a nap. get some Zzzz's. feel better about you. about me. without him.
What happened to yesterdays blog? i dunno. Did I write it? Nope. Did I forget about it? Nope. Was I exhausted? Yup! Was I too lazy? Yup!
I was SO exhausted that I turned my activity today into a NAP! Have you ever just layed down in the middle of the day and fallen asleep? Purposefully? I remember when I was a little kid and HAD to lay down for a nap. I didn't want to. I would stare at the ceiling. Or play in my room quietly so mom thought I was sleeping. Or in kindergarden, I'd be so sad when it was nap time because I wanted to play. I didn't want to take a nap. but ohhhh what I would give for a "nap time" daily now. I swear. My life is so busy and physically demanding, that a nap every day at say 1:00pm would be wonderful. But it cant happen. I think i'd be out of a job if i was found sleeping on the clock. But yesterday I was home from work by 4. and wanna know the first thing I did? climb into bed and fall asleep. not for the night. not even for a few hours. but definitely for an hour. and it was WONDERFUL. I felt so much better when I woke up. So relieved. and so capable of doing everything I had to do yesterday. I felt like a kid again. I felt like I could definitely do it every day. nap time. 4pm. daily. :-) Haha. Doubt that will really happen. but when you get the chance. even if its for 20 minutes. take a nap. get some Zzzz's. feel better about you. about me. without him.
Monday, March 28, 2011
day 8
Stay busy. Schedule every second of your day.
So I didn't plan on this being my activity today. at all. but dang. let me tell you. it works! my day was slammed.. i didn't have time to be upset! Let me give you the DL on my day.
5:00 - Wake up.
5:00-6:00 - Shower. blow dry hair. straighten hair. get ready. freak out.
6:00-7:00 - Drive to pomona
7:00-7:30 - breakfast. feel like throwing up.
7:30-12:00 - Start my clinical. see 4 patients. and look completely wide eyed because there is so much I don't know!
12:00-1:00 - Lunch with my friend while we both were freaking out about our morning.
1:00-3:30 - Continue my clinical. Freak out. See 3 patients
3:30-4:00 - Drive back to orange. Blare taylor swift.
4:00-4:15 - CVS. spend $9 on gift wrap
4:15-4:30 - Drive to Costa Mesa
4:30-6:00 - Frantically try and help patients while moving furnature and setting up for our Alter G Launch party (Don't know what that is? YOU SHOULD. Check out JorInc.com You wont regret it!)
6:00-9:30 - Launch Party. Get 27 people on the alter g for 3-5 minute trials. Talk to 60+ people. smile. stand. starve. lose energy.
9:30-10 - Drive back to Orange.
now I'm here. falling asleep as I type. I have noooo energy. but guess what? I have no tears. My day was SO busy. that I didn't have time to think. I didn't have time to cry. i didn't have time to miss him. I didn't even have time to THINK of him. I only had time to better myself and do this crazy day to make my life better. further my career.
"you should never let the sun set on tomorrow. before the sun rises today." Think about it. I dont have the energy to explain. butttt. I'm all about doing what I can today. goodnight. hopefully tomorrow will be more exciting!
So I didn't plan on this being my activity today. at all. but dang. let me tell you. it works! my day was slammed.. i didn't have time to be upset! Let me give you the DL on my day.
5:00 - Wake up.
5:00-6:00 - Shower. blow dry hair. straighten hair. get ready. freak out.
6:00-7:00 - Drive to pomona
7:00-7:30 - breakfast. feel like throwing up.
7:30-12:00 - Start my clinical. see 4 patients. and look completely wide eyed because there is so much I don't know!
12:00-1:00 - Lunch with my friend while we both were freaking out about our morning.
1:00-3:30 - Continue my clinical. Freak out. See 3 patients
3:30-4:00 - Drive back to orange. Blare taylor swift.
4:00-4:15 - CVS. spend $9 on gift wrap
4:15-4:30 - Drive to Costa Mesa
4:30-6:00 - Frantically try and help patients while moving furnature and setting up for our Alter G Launch party (Don't know what that is? YOU SHOULD. Check out JorInc.com You wont regret it!)
6:00-9:30 - Launch Party. Get 27 people on the alter g for 3-5 minute trials. Talk to 60+ people. smile. stand. starve. lose energy.
9:30-10 - Drive back to Orange.
now I'm here. falling asleep as I type. I have noooo energy. but guess what? I have no tears. My day was SO busy. that I didn't have time to think. I didn't have time to cry. i didn't have time to miss him. I didn't even have time to THINK of him. I only had time to better myself and do this crazy day to make my life better. further my career.
"you should never let the sun set on tomorrow. before the sun rises today." Think about it. I dont have the energy to explain. butttt. I'm all about doing what I can today. goodnight. hopefully tomorrow will be more exciting!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Day 7 - Go to Church!
Go to church.
So. I'm not the most churchy person as I have said before. In fact, I find some of it to be rather lame. I mean...I believe there was obviously something, or someone that created us. i believe there is a purpose here. I believe that you have to have faith in something. but I hate when people devote their whole lives to going to church and serving Him. They spend so much time trying to make sure they do what He wants, they forget how to live their own lives. I hate when people are singing songs about Christ and they throw their hands up to the ceiling as they're trying to reach Him. Now, I'm not about to get into a religious battle. Because i'll be the first to admit....i'd lose. I dont know enought about religion, or the bible to argue whats true or not. And whose to tell someone to not believe in something that helps them get through life?
Ok. back to the original purpose. Go to church. I woke up today not feeling so hot (probably because i drank last night in downtown). I feel like yeah, my friends and family are doing a good job getting me through this. but i still feel like somethings missing. he's missing. and its hard. and it hurts. and part of me thought....what if i turned to HIM. (not him. but HIM. you know?). Part of me laughed at the idea.....but part of me thought, why not try it?
So i got up. got dressed. and went to the 9:15 service around the corner from me. I snuck in right as the service started so no one saw me. there was a band. and singers. and music. and the first lyrics i heard were these
To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye
And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right
There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary Love for the broken heart There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
And I began to listen. I listened to the service and actually enjoyed it. there was lots of music. lots of laughs. lots of relation to life today. it wasn't what i thought it would be. it made me smile. and then came part i wasnt expecting. communion. (i think thats what its called?) We had to go up to the front and get the bread and juice to represent his blood and body. They sang a sad song first, then had instrumentals playing while everyone took their piece. I looked around the room and saw how people were praying. Some were on their knees. some had their eyes closed. some had their hands up to the ceiling. some were hugging their friends. while i just sat there. I didn't have this connection to god the way the rest of them did. i didn't know how to. I sat there in silence getting in my own head. I wanted something to believe in. I wanted something to have faith in. I wanted something to get me through the hard times. I wanted something to turn to when i had no where to go. I wanted forgiveness when i made a mistake. As these thoughts were running through my head...i realized. tears were running down my face. I was in the middle of church crying. The band finished the last song and released everyone. I quickly snuck out so no one saw the emotional mess i had become.
So i'm not quite sure who this girl is that cries all the time. because i know for sure....thats not me. And i cant promise that i'll go back to church next sunday. but i will say. for someone who hasnt gone to church really, today was really good for me. I don't feel like i need church to believe in something...but i definitely have something to believe in...ME.
So. I'm not the most churchy person as I have said before. In fact, I find some of it to be rather lame. I mean...I believe there was obviously something, or someone that created us. i believe there is a purpose here. I believe that you have to have faith in something. but I hate when people devote their whole lives to going to church and serving Him. They spend so much time trying to make sure they do what He wants, they forget how to live their own lives. I hate when people are singing songs about Christ and they throw their hands up to the ceiling as they're trying to reach Him. Now, I'm not about to get into a religious battle. Because i'll be the first to admit....i'd lose. I dont know enought about religion, or the bible to argue whats true or not. And whose to tell someone to not believe in something that helps them get through life?
Ok. back to the original purpose. Go to church. I woke up today not feeling so hot (probably because i drank last night in downtown). I feel like yeah, my friends and family are doing a good job getting me through this. but i still feel like somethings missing. he's missing. and its hard. and it hurts. and part of me thought....what if i turned to HIM. (not him. but HIM. you know?). Part of me laughed at the idea.....but part of me thought, why not try it?
So i got up. got dressed. and went to the 9:15 service around the corner from me. I snuck in right as the service started so no one saw me. there was a band. and singers. and music. and the first lyrics i heard were these
To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye
And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right
There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary Love for the broken heart There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
And I began to listen. I listened to the service and actually enjoyed it. there was lots of music. lots of laughs. lots of relation to life today. it wasn't what i thought it would be. it made me smile. and then came part i wasnt expecting. communion. (i think thats what its called?) We had to go up to the front and get the bread and juice to represent his blood and body. They sang a sad song first, then had instrumentals playing while everyone took their piece. I looked around the room and saw how people were praying. Some were on their knees. some had their eyes closed. some had their hands up to the ceiling. some were hugging their friends. while i just sat there. I didn't have this connection to god the way the rest of them did. i didn't know how to. I sat there in silence getting in my own head. I wanted something to believe in. I wanted something to have faith in. I wanted something to get me through the hard times. I wanted something to turn to when i had no where to go. I wanted forgiveness when i made a mistake. As these thoughts were running through my head...i realized. tears were running down my face. I was in the middle of church crying. The band finished the last song and released everyone. I quickly snuck out so no one saw the emotional mess i had become.
So i'm not quite sure who this girl is that cries all the time. because i know for sure....thats not me. And i cant promise that i'll go back to church next sunday. but i will say. for someone who hasnt gone to church really, today was really good for me. I don't feel like i need church to believe in something...but i definitely have something to believe in...ME.
day six - baby sit!
baby sit a new family.
Ok. so it doesn't have to be a new family. But for me it was. I normally watch a family with two little girls. Age 3 and age 6. The parents canceled on me tonight, but the family they were going out with hired me. I was watching the two little kids for the first time. a 6 year old girl, and a 9 year old boy. a BOY? shoot. I always watch girls and know what to do with them. So i had to figure out what to do with a boy. I went to michaels, and in the dollar section they have pretty cool crafts. I bought a foam design kit (butterfly for the girl, monkey for the boy), a doorknob hanger design thing for both....and a helicopter for the boy. Yes..... a helicopter. It came with wood pieces he had to glue together and then paint. for a DOLLAR! and let me tell you. he loved it. They did crafts, watched sponge bob and iCarly, ate maccaroni and cheese, and hung out with me all night. They were perfect. And again, whoever knows me, knows i loveeee little kids. and the OT in me loves crafts. So tonight was perfect. The kids didn't care about anything except watching the tv and painting their crafts. Reminds me of the quote "sometimes i wish i were a kid again. Skinned knees are alot easier to fix then broken hearts". sounds about right. I'm still aching through each day, while these kids were worrying about how much mac and cheese they'd get, or the amount of paint they had on their hands. They didn't care about getting their heart broken, or making it through each day. I don't think they could even fathom how that would feel. Instead, they loved me, with everything they had. They read a good night story to me. and when the parents got home, they were amazed at the crafts the children did with me. they loved me. they wanted me back. they paid me $80 for 4 hours. yeah. you heard me. I want to go back to them. I was able to meet up with some friends in downtown after and wasnt concerned with how expensive drinks were. I was rich for the night. I forgot about him for the night. skinned knees. broken hearts. didn't matter. thought of the kids saying goodnight. telling me what they wanted to do next time. loving me. unconditionally. douchebag is slowly fading from my mind. and with those thoughts i slowly fade to sleep. with good things on my mind for the first time in almost a week. I am able to smile again. able to laugh again. able to slowly be me again. goodnight world. goodnight life. goodnight ME.
Ok. so it doesn't have to be a new family. But for me it was. I normally watch a family with two little girls. Age 3 and age 6. The parents canceled on me tonight, but the family they were going out with hired me. I was watching the two little kids for the first time. a 6 year old girl, and a 9 year old boy. a BOY? shoot. I always watch girls and know what to do with them. So i had to figure out what to do with a boy. I went to michaels, and in the dollar section they have pretty cool crafts. I bought a foam design kit (butterfly for the girl, monkey for the boy), a doorknob hanger design thing for both....and a helicopter for the boy. Yes..... a helicopter. It came with wood pieces he had to glue together and then paint. for a DOLLAR! and let me tell you. he loved it. They did crafts, watched sponge bob and iCarly, ate maccaroni and cheese, and hung out with me all night. They were perfect. And again, whoever knows me, knows i loveeee little kids. and the OT in me loves crafts. So tonight was perfect. The kids didn't care about anything except watching the tv and painting their crafts. Reminds me of the quote "sometimes i wish i were a kid again. Skinned knees are alot easier to fix then broken hearts". sounds about right. I'm still aching through each day, while these kids were worrying about how much mac and cheese they'd get, or the amount of paint they had on their hands. They didn't care about getting their heart broken, or making it through each day. I don't think they could even fathom how that would feel. Instead, they loved me, with everything they had. They read a good night story to me. and when the parents got home, they were amazed at the crafts the children did with me. they loved me. they wanted me back. they paid me $80 for 4 hours. yeah. you heard me. I want to go back to them. I was able to meet up with some friends in downtown after and wasnt concerned with how expensive drinks were. I was rich for the night. I forgot about him for the night. skinned knees. broken hearts. didn't matter. thought of the kids saying goodnight. telling me what they wanted to do next time. loving me. unconditionally. douchebag is slowly fading from my mind. and with those thoughts i slowly fade to sleep. with good things on my mind for the first time in almost a week. I am able to smile again. able to laugh again. able to slowly be me again. goodnight world. goodnight life. goodnight ME.
Friday, March 25, 2011
day five - meet up with friends
Meet up with friends you havent seen in a while.
Tonight I met up with my friends from school. We're in the middle of our clinicals so we aren't really in school much. We went from seeing eachother 3 times a week to not at all. We went down to main street in seal beach for dinner and drinks. A few of my friends brought their husbands and/or significant others theyve talked about for so long, but we've never had the chance to meet. Yeah, I know. Sounds like a place to fall apart right? Meeting significant others and having to explain that mine dumped me? but suprisingly....it wasn't horrible. It was a lot of fun. Everyone got along well. we made plans for the future. talked about the torture our clinicals have been. talked about graduatioin coming up. and yes. we did talk about the ex. i was short and sweet. well....maybe not sweet, but definitely short. they got the jist of the fact that he was a total jerk and left it at that. they gave me hope for the future. even had a few suggestions of where to find NON jerky guys. and you know what? i didn't fall apart.
today was the first day that i felt I could do this. I'm really into lyrics. and today the song that played over and over in my head is a sara evans song and goes "even on my weakest days...I get a little bit stronger". And I think thats true. I have my moments, but in the end. I'm stronger.
Tonight I met up with my friends from school. We're in the middle of our clinicals so we aren't really in school much. We went from seeing eachother 3 times a week to not at all. We went down to main street in seal beach for dinner and drinks. A few of my friends brought their husbands and/or significant others theyve talked about for so long, but we've never had the chance to meet. Yeah, I know. Sounds like a place to fall apart right? Meeting significant others and having to explain that mine dumped me? but suprisingly....it wasn't horrible. It was a lot of fun. Everyone got along well. we made plans for the future. talked about the torture our clinicals have been. talked about graduatioin coming up. and yes. we did talk about the ex. i was short and sweet. well....maybe not sweet, but definitely short. they got the jist of the fact that he was a total jerk and left it at that. they gave me hope for the future. even had a few suggestions of where to find NON jerky guys. and you know what? i didn't fall apart.
today was the first day that i felt I could do this. I'm really into lyrics. and today the song that played over and over in my head is a sara evans song and goes "even on my weakest days...I get a little bit stronger". And I think thats true. I have my moments, but in the end. I'm stronger.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Day four - Accept an invite!
Accept an invite you normally wouldn't.
My boss and his wife invited me to their 4 year old daughters church choir performance and back to their house for chilli and the Arizona game. Now...this may seem weird to some of you. But my boss is like family. He's the owner of the company where we literally have only 11 employees. For a long time, I was one of the only girls. They're older than I am by like 5-15 years. I'm the baby. So that gives them the right to make fun of me. for everything. They say its because they like me. that i'm their little sister. But we work together 40+ hours per week. I never want to hang out with them outside of work really. Besides....they're my family. so hanging out with THEIR families...a little odd sometimes. But today I decided....why not. Why not go? hang out? have fun with them outside of work. and you know what? I'm SOOO glad I did.
Seeing these little 2-6 year olds sing church songs was ADORABLE. I'm not the most churchy person...but these kids were amazing. They yelled the lyrics. they danced on stage. They sat down when they didnt want to sing anymore. they took off the ties mommy made them wear. they picked their nose. they tried to escape. they had to take potty breaks between songs. they did what they want and they didn't care what other people thought. they made me laugh. they made me forget why i was sad in the first place. I actually could learn a thing or two from these little kids. All i wanted to do after was run up and give each one of them a hug (not creepy. promise!) I sat with their one year old daughter too. She was just as funny. she wanted to hand me the hot pink program over and over. and kept saying "this?" to everything. If any of you know me, you know i love children. and the sound of a child laughing....makes me smile. no matter the mood im in. After the concert we went back to the house to watch the game and have dinner. It was so nice to see all the guys just sitting around cheering for the game and drinking a beer. My boss is a crazy arizona fan. so he had the hat on. the jersey on. the surround sound on. put the kids to bed. and yelled his lungs off.
overall. a GOOD NIGHT. I'm really glad i went outside of my box and accepted an invite i normally wouldnt. this is actually my last week at my job, so i'm really hoping tonight turned our work family into an actual family. these boys make fun of me with everything they have. truth is. i love each and everyone of them. :-)
My boss and his wife invited me to their 4 year old daughters church choir performance and back to their house for chilli and the Arizona game. Now...this may seem weird to some of you. But my boss is like family. He's the owner of the company where we literally have only 11 employees. For a long time, I was one of the only girls. They're older than I am by like 5-15 years. I'm the baby. So that gives them the right to make fun of me. for everything. They say its because they like me. that i'm their little sister. But we work together 40+ hours per week. I never want to hang out with them outside of work really. Besides....they're my family. so hanging out with THEIR families...a little odd sometimes. But today I decided....why not. Why not go? hang out? have fun with them outside of work. and you know what? I'm SOOO glad I did.
Seeing these little 2-6 year olds sing church songs was ADORABLE. I'm not the most churchy person...but these kids were amazing. They yelled the lyrics. they danced on stage. They sat down when they didnt want to sing anymore. they took off the ties mommy made them wear. they picked their nose. they tried to escape. they had to take potty breaks between songs. they did what they want and they didn't care what other people thought. they made me laugh. they made me forget why i was sad in the first place. I actually could learn a thing or two from these little kids. All i wanted to do after was run up and give each one of them a hug (not creepy. promise!) I sat with their one year old daughter too. She was just as funny. she wanted to hand me the hot pink program over and over. and kept saying "this?" to everything. If any of you know me, you know i love children. and the sound of a child laughing....makes me smile. no matter the mood im in. After the concert we went back to the house to watch the game and have dinner. It was so nice to see all the guys just sitting around cheering for the game and drinking a beer. My boss is a crazy arizona fan. so he had the hat on. the jersey on. the surround sound on. put the kids to bed. and yelled his lungs off.
overall. a GOOD NIGHT. I'm really glad i went outside of my box and accepted an invite i normally wouldnt. this is actually my last week at my job, so i'm really hoping tonight turned our work family into an actual family. these boys make fun of me with everything they have. truth is. i love each and everyone of them. :-)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Day three- DELETE HIM!
DELETE HIM ON FACEBOOK!
ok. so maybe I didn't exactly delete him. maybe he deleted me. he actually deleted all of my friends and family on there. When my boss realized he had been deleted he came up to me and said "man that guy had issues". Yes....yes he did. Since when cant we be friends on facebook? since when is it wrong to look at his page?
but i realized then, you know we all do the same thing. We facebook stalk. You want to see whats going on in his life. You want to see who hes talking to. It kills you throughout the day to know. So you look. Over. and over. and over. and there is nothing new. But you keep looking. and then you see something. something you DIDN'T want to see. something that makes you cry. and break down. You don't need that. A friend told me today "you have to stop looking". and that was insanely hard. and I continued to look. and then one time, when I looked...it said "no new posts." and I realized.....He deleted me. He was over it before I was. It would have been so much better if i deleted him first. If he knew I was done. I didn't want to look at his page anymore. Didn't want to see his status's about his day. Didn't want to see his new "in a relationship" posts. Didn't want to see his pictures.
Wouldn't that be nice though? to be able to have a delete button in life? Delete his memories. Delete his voice. Delete the picture I have of him in my head?
But girls.....Life doesnt have that delete button. BUT FACEBOOK DOES. Delete him....before he deletes you. That way....even if you WANT to look at his page. you can't. you have no choice but to move on....without him in your world...or at least your virtual world.
ok. so maybe I didn't exactly delete him. maybe he deleted me. he actually deleted all of my friends and family on there. When my boss realized he had been deleted he came up to me and said "man that guy had issues". Yes....yes he did. Since when cant we be friends on facebook? since when is it wrong to look at his page?
but i realized then, you know we all do the same thing. We facebook stalk. You want to see whats going on in his life. You want to see who hes talking to. It kills you throughout the day to know. So you look. Over. and over. and over. and there is nothing new. But you keep looking. and then you see something. something you DIDN'T want to see. something that makes you cry. and break down. You don't need that. A friend told me today "you have to stop looking". and that was insanely hard. and I continued to look. and then one time, when I looked...it said "no new posts." and I realized.....He deleted me. He was over it before I was. It would have been so much better if i deleted him first. If he knew I was done. I didn't want to look at his page anymore. Didn't want to see his status's about his day. Didn't want to see his new "in a relationship" posts. Didn't want to see his pictures.
Wouldn't that be nice though? to be able to have a delete button in life? Delete his memories. Delete his voice. Delete the picture I have of him in my head?
But girls.....Life doesnt have that delete button. BUT FACEBOOK DOES. Delete him....before he deletes you. That way....even if you WANT to look at his page. you can't. you have no choice but to move on....without him in your world...or at least your virtual world.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
day two - GYM!!!
Join a gym! or if you already have one...GO! I know it feels like you can't do anything. That the gym is the LAST place you want to be. Like you want to lay in bed and cry. I feel you. I'm right there now too. I got in my car after work tonight, and started crying. for no reason! Its like I'm on a freaking emotional rollercoaster. One second I'm up. One I'm down. But. I promise. The gym will help that. because just think of what Elle woods said (and if you don't know who elle woods is. I'm pretty embarassed for you. figure it out and make watching that your tomorrows activity!!!) "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." see! endorphins help your mood! even if you go to the gym for 10 minutes. It gets you up. gets you going. gets you out of the funk youre in for the ten minutes you're there. its worth it. I PROMISE!
Tonight after my stupid cry in the car...I drove straight to the gym. I already had a pass. granted, I never really went. But I decided. what better time to start right? So I put a rockin mix on my ipod and went to work on the elliptical. I left after burning 300 calories and feeling really good. Hey if anything, maybe i'll get skinny from this breakup...the right way!
Idea! We're gonna make this a 2for1. I was thinking...My rocking music helped me with my workout and the way I was feeling. So make a play list today! listen to these songs. Some are angry. Some are honest. Some just plain help me get through this. So here goes.
Since you've been gone - Kelly Clarkson
Fighter - Christina Aguilera
Before He cheats - Carrie Underwood
UnDo it - Carrie Underwood
Kerosene - Miranda Lambert
Love the Way you Lie - Eminem and Rihanna
F*ck you - Cee-lo Green
Seventy Times Seven - Brand New
F*cking Perfect - Pink
Listen to those. DO IT. Go to the gym. And feel better about yourself. Today is about YOU. about ME. A patient told me today "relationships are like trolleys...before one even leaves another one is on its way in". Well I guess thats true. Because my relationship with me is already starting. :-)
Tonight after my stupid cry in the car...I drove straight to the gym. I already had a pass. granted, I never really went. But I decided. what better time to start right? So I put a rockin mix on my ipod and went to work on the elliptical. I left after burning 300 calories and feeling really good. Hey if anything, maybe i'll get skinny from this breakup...the right way!
Idea! We're gonna make this a 2for1. I was thinking...My rocking music helped me with my workout and the way I was feeling. So make a play list today! listen to these songs. Some are angry. Some are honest. Some just plain help me get through this. So here goes.
Since you've been gone - Kelly Clarkson
Fighter - Christina Aguilera
Before He cheats - Carrie Underwood
UnDo it - Carrie Underwood
Kerosene - Miranda Lambert
Love the Way you Lie - Eminem and Rihanna
F*ck you - Cee-lo Green
Seventy Times Seven - Brand New
F*cking Perfect - Pink
Listen to those. DO IT. Go to the gym. And feel better about yourself. Today is about YOU. about ME. A patient told me today "relationships are like trolleys...before one even leaves another one is on its way in". Well I guess thats true. Because my relationship with me is already starting. :-)
Monday, March 21, 2011
Day ONE - Go to the doctors!
Go see all the doctors you've been putting off
Today I took a half day at work and decided to take care of ME. I literally begged the doctors to give me a last minute appointment and was able to go to the dentist, the endodontist (i THINK thats what its called?) and the gynocologist. I was able to take care of all the physical pain I was currently having (obviously the emotional pain will take a while!) I read all the trashy doctors office magazines. (caught up on all the gossip!) Made small talk with the doctors that don't really know too much about me (or my ex! thank goodness). And was able to deal with me. These were things I was putting off because I'd rather focus on my relationship than me. Day one felt really good to start to work on me. On MY life.
I will say though that maybe day 1 wasn't the BEST day to go to the doctors. I'm not gonna lie, when the doctor told me I needed a root canal I broke into tears! The doctor assured me it was alright, but I still think he thought I was kind of crazy. Girls....take note. Wait a few days for this!!
Looking forward to tomorrows adventure. Promise they all won't be so practical. Just need to get the basics done first. :-)
Today I took a half day at work and decided to take care of ME. I literally begged the doctors to give me a last minute appointment and was able to go to the dentist, the endodontist (i THINK thats what its called?) and the gynocologist. I was able to take care of all the physical pain I was currently having (obviously the emotional pain will take a while!) I read all the trashy doctors office magazines. (caught up on all the gossip!) Made small talk with the doctors that don't really know too much about me (or my ex! thank goodness). And was able to deal with me. These were things I was putting off because I'd rather focus on my relationship than me. Day one felt really good to start to work on me. On MY life.
I will say though that maybe day 1 wasn't the BEST day to go to the doctors. I'm not gonna lie, when the doctor told me I needed a root canal I broke into tears! The doctor assured me it was alright, but I still think he thought I was kind of crazy. Girls....take note. Wait a few days for this!!
Looking forward to tomorrows adventure. Promise they all won't be so practical. Just need to get the basics done first. :-)
moving on to ME.
We all know that guy. Trust me. I've dated him. I've dated alot of him. The one thats says "if I wanted a girlfriend, it'd be you". Or "you're who I see my future with... I'm just not ready right now." Or how about the ones that say I'm not good enough? Or my looks aren't enough? That make ME feel bad for who I am. Or the cheaters. The liars. Or even the ones that come off as nice, only to find out what an amazing con artist they were. I don't know whats more ridiculous.... the things they SAY or the fact that I actually believed it. Or wait, how about the one that 6 days after breaking up with me, has a NEW GIRLFRIEND. Yeah...thats happened to me. TWICE. I've dated them all. Fell for them all. And spend days. Weeks. Months. Even YEARS trying to get over them. Only to have them forget I ever existed.
I was starting to think maybe it was me. Maybe I was the problem. Maybe I was doing something horribly wrong causing these guys to break up with me. I was in my car yesterday trying to drive and not crash because the tears were coming down hard, and I thought....what better way to get over a relationship with HIM then to get in to one with myself. So here is my idea. One thing for myself each day. 365 days of me (or however long it takes to get over that stupid jerk)
So here goes nothing. Wish me luck! I know they'll be some ups and downs. Some break downs. Some triumphs. and hopefully. Some getting over the people that don't deserve my time. Day one here I come!
I was starting to think maybe it was me. Maybe I was the problem. Maybe I was doing something horribly wrong causing these guys to break up with me. I was in my car yesterday trying to drive and not crash because the tears were coming down hard, and I thought....what better way to get over a relationship with HIM then to get in to one with myself. So here is my idea. One thing for myself each day. 365 days of me (or however long it takes to get over that stupid jerk)
So here goes nothing. Wish me luck! I know they'll be some ups and downs. Some break downs. Some triumphs. and hopefully. Some getting over the people that don't deserve my time. Day one here I come!
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