Do something with your mom.
So mom and I dont always get along. we actually probably fight more than not. We go through spurts of friendship. Right now, we're friends. most of the time. Mom is quite the little exercise fiend. Im talkin, working out hours every day. She always tries to get me to go take a class with her. I usually refuse. Not because i'm lazy...ok maybe I am a little bit. Sometimes I'm tired. sometimes i'd rather do something else. sometimes i just plain dont want to go. But you know those little community books with the classes at the community center? Well, we got one. There were quite a few good classes I wanted to try, but theyre so expensive! We found one called "trimnastics" and its only $29 for 8 weeks! pretty freakin cheap. So we've had these plans to do the class on thursdays.
I'm not gonna lie, today was a long day. alot happened and the last thing I wanted to do was go to the class. but i went. for her. The class was pretty funny. Wasnt that great of a workout. Kinda felt like a lame dancy workout video. something from the 80's. but it was entertaining. who knows, maybe i'll even be sore tomorrow! (doubtful. but a girl can hope)
Do something outside of the box. something you wouldnt normally do. something for someone else. something that makes you laugh. smile. have a good time being you. something that has nothing to do with HIM.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Day 10- Watch a childhood movie
watch a movie that reminds you of your childhood.
All dogs go to heaven. Remember that movie? I do. well. kinda. I knew I loved the movie. I knew i remembered it. I knew I wanted to watch it. I went to a girlfriends house. Popped a bottle of wine. And put on the movie. First ten minutes, and i realized....I didn't remember the movie at all. I didn't even remember there was a little girl in it! The movie is all about the girl! So funny how I remember some things, and not others! And then some scary things happened. There was the big weird dragon thing that wanted to eat charlie. but then ended up saving the little girl? I dont know. I can't believe the movie didnt frighten me when I was younger. It frightened me tonight! Ahhh. It was so fun reliving my child hood tonight. Made me think of ALL the movies that I want to watch and see how I feel about them now. Here's my list. Can you think of others I should watch?
Brave little Toaster.
Land before Time
Little Mermaid
Cinderella
Ferngully
101 Dalmations.
I think my friend and I have turned this into a weekly event. Watch the movies that remind us of being a little kid. That reminds me of when things didn't matter. When things were easy. When things were just me.
All dogs go to heaven. Remember that movie? I do. well. kinda. I knew I loved the movie. I knew i remembered it. I knew I wanted to watch it. I went to a girlfriends house. Popped a bottle of wine. And put on the movie. First ten minutes, and i realized....I didn't remember the movie at all. I didn't even remember there was a little girl in it! The movie is all about the girl! So funny how I remember some things, and not others! And then some scary things happened. There was the big weird dragon thing that wanted to eat charlie. but then ended up saving the little girl? I dont know. I can't believe the movie didnt frighten me when I was younger. It frightened me tonight! Ahhh. It was so fun reliving my child hood tonight. Made me think of ALL the movies that I want to watch and see how I feel about them now. Here's my list. Can you think of others I should watch?
Brave little Toaster.
Land before Time
Little Mermaid
Cinderella
Ferngully
101 Dalmations.
I think my friend and I have turned this into a weekly event. Watch the movies that remind us of being a little kid. That reminds me of when things didn't matter. When things were easy. When things were just me.
and on that note....i'll leave you with THIS.
"Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid I'm still standing after all this time Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind"
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid I'm still standing after all this time Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind"
Day 9 - take a nap!
Take a nap!
What happened to yesterdays blog? i dunno. Did I write it? Nope. Did I forget about it? Nope. Was I exhausted? Yup! Was I too lazy? Yup!
I was SO exhausted that I turned my activity today into a NAP! Have you ever just layed down in the middle of the day and fallen asleep? Purposefully? I remember when I was a little kid and HAD to lay down for a nap. I didn't want to. I would stare at the ceiling. Or play in my room quietly so mom thought I was sleeping. Or in kindergarden, I'd be so sad when it was nap time because I wanted to play. I didn't want to take a nap. but ohhhh what I would give for a "nap time" daily now. I swear. My life is so busy and physically demanding, that a nap every day at say 1:00pm would be wonderful. But it cant happen. I think i'd be out of a job if i was found sleeping on the clock. But yesterday I was home from work by 4. and wanna know the first thing I did? climb into bed and fall asleep. not for the night. not even for a few hours. but definitely for an hour. and it was WONDERFUL. I felt so much better when I woke up. So relieved. and so capable of doing everything I had to do yesterday. I felt like a kid again. I felt like I could definitely do it every day. nap time. 4pm. daily. :-) Haha. Doubt that will really happen. but when you get the chance. even if its for 20 minutes. take a nap. get some Zzzz's. feel better about you. about me. without him.
What happened to yesterdays blog? i dunno. Did I write it? Nope. Did I forget about it? Nope. Was I exhausted? Yup! Was I too lazy? Yup!
I was SO exhausted that I turned my activity today into a NAP! Have you ever just layed down in the middle of the day and fallen asleep? Purposefully? I remember when I was a little kid and HAD to lay down for a nap. I didn't want to. I would stare at the ceiling. Or play in my room quietly so mom thought I was sleeping. Or in kindergarden, I'd be so sad when it was nap time because I wanted to play. I didn't want to take a nap. but ohhhh what I would give for a "nap time" daily now. I swear. My life is so busy and physically demanding, that a nap every day at say 1:00pm would be wonderful. But it cant happen. I think i'd be out of a job if i was found sleeping on the clock. But yesterday I was home from work by 4. and wanna know the first thing I did? climb into bed and fall asleep. not for the night. not even for a few hours. but definitely for an hour. and it was WONDERFUL. I felt so much better when I woke up. So relieved. and so capable of doing everything I had to do yesterday. I felt like a kid again. I felt like I could definitely do it every day. nap time. 4pm. daily. :-) Haha. Doubt that will really happen. but when you get the chance. even if its for 20 minutes. take a nap. get some Zzzz's. feel better about you. about me. without him.
Monday, March 28, 2011
day 8
Stay busy. Schedule every second of your day.
So I didn't plan on this being my activity today. at all. but dang. let me tell you. it works! my day was slammed.. i didn't have time to be upset! Let me give you the DL on my day.
5:00 - Wake up.
5:00-6:00 - Shower. blow dry hair. straighten hair. get ready. freak out.
6:00-7:00 - Drive to pomona
7:00-7:30 - breakfast. feel like throwing up.
7:30-12:00 - Start my clinical. see 4 patients. and look completely wide eyed because there is so much I don't know!
12:00-1:00 - Lunch with my friend while we both were freaking out about our morning.
1:00-3:30 - Continue my clinical. Freak out. See 3 patients
3:30-4:00 - Drive back to orange. Blare taylor swift.
4:00-4:15 - CVS. spend $9 on gift wrap
4:15-4:30 - Drive to Costa Mesa
4:30-6:00 - Frantically try and help patients while moving furnature and setting up for our Alter G Launch party (Don't know what that is? YOU SHOULD. Check out JorInc.com You wont regret it!)
6:00-9:30 - Launch Party. Get 27 people on the alter g for 3-5 minute trials. Talk to 60+ people. smile. stand. starve. lose energy.
9:30-10 - Drive back to Orange.
now I'm here. falling asleep as I type. I have noooo energy. but guess what? I have no tears. My day was SO busy. that I didn't have time to think. I didn't have time to cry. i didn't have time to miss him. I didn't even have time to THINK of him. I only had time to better myself and do this crazy day to make my life better. further my career.
"you should never let the sun set on tomorrow. before the sun rises today." Think about it. I dont have the energy to explain. butttt. I'm all about doing what I can today. goodnight. hopefully tomorrow will be more exciting!
So I didn't plan on this being my activity today. at all. but dang. let me tell you. it works! my day was slammed.. i didn't have time to be upset! Let me give you the DL on my day.
5:00 - Wake up.
5:00-6:00 - Shower. blow dry hair. straighten hair. get ready. freak out.
6:00-7:00 - Drive to pomona
7:00-7:30 - breakfast. feel like throwing up.
7:30-12:00 - Start my clinical. see 4 patients. and look completely wide eyed because there is so much I don't know!
12:00-1:00 - Lunch with my friend while we both were freaking out about our morning.
1:00-3:30 - Continue my clinical. Freak out. See 3 patients
3:30-4:00 - Drive back to orange. Blare taylor swift.
4:00-4:15 - CVS. spend $9 on gift wrap
4:15-4:30 - Drive to Costa Mesa
4:30-6:00 - Frantically try and help patients while moving furnature and setting up for our Alter G Launch party (Don't know what that is? YOU SHOULD. Check out JorInc.com You wont regret it!)
6:00-9:30 - Launch Party. Get 27 people on the alter g for 3-5 minute trials. Talk to 60+ people. smile. stand. starve. lose energy.
9:30-10 - Drive back to Orange.
now I'm here. falling asleep as I type. I have noooo energy. but guess what? I have no tears. My day was SO busy. that I didn't have time to think. I didn't have time to cry. i didn't have time to miss him. I didn't even have time to THINK of him. I only had time to better myself and do this crazy day to make my life better. further my career.
"you should never let the sun set on tomorrow. before the sun rises today." Think about it. I dont have the energy to explain. butttt. I'm all about doing what I can today. goodnight. hopefully tomorrow will be more exciting!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Day 7 - Go to Church!
Go to church.
So. I'm not the most churchy person as I have said before. In fact, I find some of it to be rather lame. I mean...I believe there was obviously something, or someone that created us. i believe there is a purpose here. I believe that you have to have faith in something. but I hate when people devote their whole lives to going to church and serving Him. They spend so much time trying to make sure they do what He wants, they forget how to live their own lives. I hate when people are singing songs about Christ and they throw their hands up to the ceiling as they're trying to reach Him. Now, I'm not about to get into a religious battle. Because i'll be the first to admit....i'd lose. I dont know enought about religion, or the bible to argue whats true or not. And whose to tell someone to not believe in something that helps them get through life?
Ok. back to the original purpose. Go to church. I woke up today not feeling so hot (probably because i drank last night in downtown). I feel like yeah, my friends and family are doing a good job getting me through this. but i still feel like somethings missing. he's missing. and its hard. and it hurts. and part of me thought....what if i turned to HIM. (not him. but HIM. you know?). Part of me laughed at the idea.....but part of me thought, why not try it?
So i got up. got dressed. and went to the 9:15 service around the corner from me. I snuck in right as the service started so no one saw me. there was a band. and singers. and music. and the first lyrics i heard were these
To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye
And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right
There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary Love for the broken heart There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
And I began to listen. I listened to the service and actually enjoyed it. there was lots of music. lots of laughs. lots of relation to life today. it wasn't what i thought it would be. it made me smile. and then came part i wasnt expecting. communion. (i think thats what its called?) We had to go up to the front and get the bread and juice to represent his blood and body. They sang a sad song first, then had instrumentals playing while everyone took their piece. I looked around the room and saw how people were praying. Some were on their knees. some had their eyes closed. some had their hands up to the ceiling. some were hugging their friends. while i just sat there. I didn't have this connection to god the way the rest of them did. i didn't know how to. I sat there in silence getting in my own head. I wanted something to believe in. I wanted something to have faith in. I wanted something to get me through the hard times. I wanted something to turn to when i had no where to go. I wanted forgiveness when i made a mistake. As these thoughts were running through my head...i realized. tears were running down my face. I was in the middle of church crying. The band finished the last song and released everyone. I quickly snuck out so no one saw the emotional mess i had become.
So i'm not quite sure who this girl is that cries all the time. because i know for sure....thats not me. And i cant promise that i'll go back to church next sunday. but i will say. for someone who hasnt gone to church really, today was really good for me. I don't feel like i need church to believe in something...but i definitely have something to believe in...ME.
So. I'm not the most churchy person as I have said before. In fact, I find some of it to be rather lame. I mean...I believe there was obviously something, or someone that created us. i believe there is a purpose here. I believe that you have to have faith in something. but I hate when people devote their whole lives to going to church and serving Him. They spend so much time trying to make sure they do what He wants, they forget how to live their own lives. I hate when people are singing songs about Christ and they throw their hands up to the ceiling as they're trying to reach Him. Now, I'm not about to get into a religious battle. Because i'll be the first to admit....i'd lose. I dont know enought about religion, or the bible to argue whats true or not. And whose to tell someone to not believe in something that helps them get through life?
Ok. back to the original purpose. Go to church. I woke up today not feeling so hot (probably because i drank last night in downtown). I feel like yeah, my friends and family are doing a good job getting me through this. but i still feel like somethings missing. he's missing. and its hard. and it hurts. and part of me thought....what if i turned to HIM. (not him. but HIM. you know?). Part of me laughed at the idea.....but part of me thought, why not try it?
So i got up. got dressed. and went to the 9:15 service around the corner from me. I snuck in right as the service started so no one saw me. there was a band. and singers. and music. and the first lyrics i heard were these
To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye
And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right
There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary Love for the broken heart There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
And I began to listen. I listened to the service and actually enjoyed it. there was lots of music. lots of laughs. lots of relation to life today. it wasn't what i thought it would be. it made me smile. and then came part i wasnt expecting. communion. (i think thats what its called?) We had to go up to the front and get the bread and juice to represent his blood and body. They sang a sad song first, then had instrumentals playing while everyone took their piece. I looked around the room and saw how people were praying. Some were on their knees. some had their eyes closed. some had their hands up to the ceiling. some were hugging their friends. while i just sat there. I didn't have this connection to god the way the rest of them did. i didn't know how to. I sat there in silence getting in my own head. I wanted something to believe in. I wanted something to have faith in. I wanted something to get me through the hard times. I wanted something to turn to when i had no where to go. I wanted forgiveness when i made a mistake. As these thoughts were running through my head...i realized. tears were running down my face. I was in the middle of church crying. The band finished the last song and released everyone. I quickly snuck out so no one saw the emotional mess i had become.
So i'm not quite sure who this girl is that cries all the time. because i know for sure....thats not me. And i cant promise that i'll go back to church next sunday. but i will say. for someone who hasnt gone to church really, today was really good for me. I don't feel like i need church to believe in something...but i definitely have something to believe in...ME.
day six - baby sit!
baby sit a new family.
Ok. so it doesn't have to be a new family. But for me it was. I normally watch a family with two little girls. Age 3 and age 6. The parents canceled on me tonight, but the family they were going out with hired me. I was watching the two little kids for the first time. a 6 year old girl, and a 9 year old boy. a BOY? shoot. I always watch girls and know what to do with them. So i had to figure out what to do with a boy. I went to michaels, and in the dollar section they have pretty cool crafts. I bought a foam design kit (butterfly for the girl, monkey for the boy), a doorknob hanger design thing for both....and a helicopter for the boy. Yes..... a helicopter. It came with wood pieces he had to glue together and then paint. for a DOLLAR! and let me tell you. he loved it. They did crafts, watched sponge bob and iCarly, ate maccaroni and cheese, and hung out with me all night. They were perfect. And again, whoever knows me, knows i loveeee little kids. and the OT in me loves crafts. So tonight was perfect. The kids didn't care about anything except watching the tv and painting their crafts. Reminds me of the quote "sometimes i wish i were a kid again. Skinned knees are alot easier to fix then broken hearts". sounds about right. I'm still aching through each day, while these kids were worrying about how much mac and cheese they'd get, or the amount of paint they had on their hands. They didn't care about getting their heart broken, or making it through each day. I don't think they could even fathom how that would feel. Instead, they loved me, with everything they had. They read a good night story to me. and when the parents got home, they were amazed at the crafts the children did with me. they loved me. they wanted me back. they paid me $80 for 4 hours. yeah. you heard me. I want to go back to them. I was able to meet up with some friends in downtown after and wasnt concerned with how expensive drinks were. I was rich for the night. I forgot about him for the night. skinned knees. broken hearts. didn't matter. thought of the kids saying goodnight. telling me what they wanted to do next time. loving me. unconditionally. douchebag is slowly fading from my mind. and with those thoughts i slowly fade to sleep. with good things on my mind for the first time in almost a week. I am able to smile again. able to laugh again. able to slowly be me again. goodnight world. goodnight life. goodnight ME.
Ok. so it doesn't have to be a new family. But for me it was. I normally watch a family with two little girls. Age 3 and age 6. The parents canceled on me tonight, but the family they were going out with hired me. I was watching the two little kids for the first time. a 6 year old girl, and a 9 year old boy. a BOY? shoot. I always watch girls and know what to do with them. So i had to figure out what to do with a boy. I went to michaels, and in the dollar section they have pretty cool crafts. I bought a foam design kit (butterfly for the girl, monkey for the boy), a doorknob hanger design thing for both....and a helicopter for the boy. Yes..... a helicopter. It came with wood pieces he had to glue together and then paint. for a DOLLAR! and let me tell you. he loved it. They did crafts, watched sponge bob and iCarly, ate maccaroni and cheese, and hung out with me all night. They were perfect. And again, whoever knows me, knows i loveeee little kids. and the OT in me loves crafts. So tonight was perfect. The kids didn't care about anything except watching the tv and painting their crafts. Reminds me of the quote "sometimes i wish i were a kid again. Skinned knees are alot easier to fix then broken hearts". sounds about right. I'm still aching through each day, while these kids were worrying about how much mac and cheese they'd get, or the amount of paint they had on their hands. They didn't care about getting their heart broken, or making it through each day. I don't think they could even fathom how that would feel. Instead, they loved me, with everything they had. They read a good night story to me. and when the parents got home, they were amazed at the crafts the children did with me. they loved me. they wanted me back. they paid me $80 for 4 hours. yeah. you heard me. I want to go back to them. I was able to meet up with some friends in downtown after and wasnt concerned with how expensive drinks were. I was rich for the night. I forgot about him for the night. skinned knees. broken hearts. didn't matter. thought of the kids saying goodnight. telling me what they wanted to do next time. loving me. unconditionally. douchebag is slowly fading from my mind. and with those thoughts i slowly fade to sleep. with good things on my mind for the first time in almost a week. I am able to smile again. able to laugh again. able to slowly be me again. goodnight world. goodnight life. goodnight ME.
Friday, March 25, 2011
day five - meet up with friends
Meet up with friends you havent seen in a while.
Tonight I met up with my friends from school. We're in the middle of our clinicals so we aren't really in school much. We went from seeing eachother 3 times a week to not at all. We went down to main street in seal beach for dinner and drinks. A few of my friends brought their husbands and/or significant others theyve talked about for so long, but we've never had the chance to meet. Yeah, I know. Sounds like a place to fall apart right? Meeting significant others and having to explain that mine dumped me? but suprisingly....it wasn't horrible. It was a lot of fun. Everyone got along well. we made plans for the future. talked about the torture our clinicals have been. talked about graduatioin coming up. and yes. we did talk about the ex. i was short and sweet. well....maybe not sweet, but definitely short. they got the jist of the fact that he was a total jerk and left it at that. they gave me hope for the future. even had a few suggestions of where to find NON jerky guys. and you know what? i didn't fall apart.
today was the first day that i felt I could do this. I'm really into lyrics. and today the song that played over and over in my head is a sara evans song and goes "even on my weakest days...I get a little bit stronger". And I think thats true. I have my moments, but in the end. I'm stronger.
Tonight I met up with my friends from school. We're in the middle of our clinicals so we aren't really in school much. We went from seeing eachother 3 times a week to not at all. We went down to main street in seal beach for dinner and drinks. A few of my friends brought their husbands and/or significant others theyve talked about for so long, but we've never had the chance to meet. Yeah, I know. Sounds like a place to fall apart right? Meeting significant others and having to explain that mine dumped me? but suprisingly....it wasn't horrible. It was a lot of fun. Everyone got along well. we made plans for the future. talked about the torture our clinicals have been. talked about graduatioin coming up. and yes. we did talk about the ex. i was short and sweet. well....maybe not sweet, but definitely short. they got the jist of the fact that he was a total jerk and left it at that. they gave me hope for the future. even had a few suggestions of where to find NON jerky guys. and you know what? i didn't fall apart.
today was the first day that i felt I could do this. I'm really into lyrics. and today the song that played over and over in my head is a sara evans song and goes "even on my weakest days...I get a little bit stronger". And I think thats true. I have my moments, but in the end. I'm stronger.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Day four - Accept an invite!
Accept an invite you normally wouldn't.
My boss and his wife invited me to their 4 year old daughters church choir performance and back to their house for chilli and the Arizona game. Now...this may seem weird to some of you. But my boss is like family. He's the owner of the company where we literally have only 11 employees. For a long time, I was one of the only girls. They're older than I am by like 5-15 years. I'm the baby. So that gives them the right to make fun of me. for everything. They say its because they like me. that i'm their little sister. But we work together 40+ hours per week. I never want to hang out with them outside of work really. Besides....they're my family. so hanging out with THEIR families...a little odd sometimes. But today I decided....why not. Why not go? hang out? have fun with them outside of work. and you know what? I'm SOOO glad I did.
Seeing these little 2-6 year olds sing church songs was ADORABLE. I'm not the most churchy person...but these kids were amazing. They yelled the lyrics. they danced on stage. They sat down when they didnt want to sing anymore. they took off the ties mommy made them wear. they picked their nose. they tried to escape. they had to take potty breaks between songs. they did what they want and they didn't care what other people thought. they made me laugh. they made me forget why i was sad in the first place. I actually could learn a thing or two from these little kids. All i wanted to do after was run up and give each one of them a hug (not creepy. promise!) I sat with their one year old daughter too. She was just as funny. she wanted to hand me the hot pink program over and over. and kept saying "this?" to everything. If any of you know me, you know i love children. and the sound of a child laughing....makes me smile. no matter the mood im in. After the concert we went back to the house to watch the game and have dinner. It was so nice to see all the guys just sitting around cheering for the game and drinking a beer. My boss is a crazy arizona fan. so he had the hat on. the jersey on. the surround sound on. put the kids to bed. and yelled his lungs off.
overall. a GOOD NIGHT. I'm really glad i went outside of my box and accepted an invite i normally wouldnt. this is actually my last week at my job, so i'm really hoping tonight turned our work family into an actual family. these boys make fun of me with everything they have. truth is. i love each and everyone of them. :-)
My boss and his wife invited me to their 4 year old daughters church choir performance and back to their house for chilli and the Arizona game. Now...this may seem weird to some of you. But my boss is like family. He's the owner of the company where we literally have only 11 employees. For a long time, I was one of the only girls. They're older than I am by like 5-15 years. I'm the baby. So that gives them the right to make fun of me. for everything. They say its because they like me. that i'm their little sister. But we work together 40+ hours per week. I never want to hang out with them outside of work really. Besides....they're my family. so hanging out with THEIR families...a little odd sometimes. But today I decided....why not. Why not go? hang out? have fun with them outside of work. and you know what? I'm SOOO glad I did.
Seeing these little 2-6 year olds sing church songs was ADORABLE. I'm not the most churchy person...but these kids were amazing. They yelled the lyrics. they danced on stage. They sat down when they didnt want to sing anymore. they took off the ties mommy made them wear. they picked their nose. they tried to escape. they had to take potty breaks between songs. they did what they want and they didn't care what other people thought. they made me laugh. they made me forget why i was sad in the first place. I actually could learn a thing or two from these little kids. All i wanted to do after was run up and give each one of them a hug (not creepy. promise!) I sat with their one year old daughter too. She was just as funny. she wanted to hand me the hot pink program over and over. and kept saying "this?" to everything. If any of you know me, you know i love children. and the sound of a child laughing....makes me smile. no matter the mood im in. After the concert we went back to the house to watch the game and have dinner. It was so nice to see all the guys just sitting around cheering for the game and drinking a beer. My boss is a crazy arizona fan. so he had the hat on. the jersey on. the surround sound on. put the kids to bed. and yelled his lungs off.
overall. a GOOD NIGHT. I'm really glad i went outside of my box and accepted an invite i normally wouldnt. this is actually my last week at my job, so i'm really hoping tonight turned our work family into an actual family. these boys make fun of me with everything they have. truth is. i love each and everyone of them. :-)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Day three- DELETE HIM!
DELETE HIM ON FACEBOOK!
ok. so maybe I didn't exactly delete him. maybe he deleted me. he actually deleted all of my friends and family on there. When my boss realized he had been deleted he came up to me and said "man that guy had issues". Yes....yes he did. Since when cant we be friends on facebook? since when is it wrong to look at his page?
but i realized then, you know we all do the same thing. We facebook stalk. You want to see whats going on in his life. You want to see who hes talking to. It kills you throughout the day to know. So you look. Over. and over. and over. and there is nothing new. But you keep looking. and then you see something. something you DIDN'T want to see. something that makes you cry. and break down. You don't need that. A friend told me today "you have to stop looking". and that was insanely hard. and I continued to look. and then one time, when I looked...it said "no new posts." and I realized.....He deleted me. He was over it before I was. It would have been so much better if i deleted him first. If he knew I was done. I didn't want to look at his page anymore. Didn't want to see his status's about his day. Didn't want to see his new "in a relationship" posts. Didn't want to see his pictures.
Wouldn't that be nice though? to be able to have a delete button in life? Delete his memories. Delete his voice. Delete the picture I have of him in my head?
But girls.....Life doesnt have that delete button. BUT FACEBOOK DOES. Delete him....before he deletes you. That way....even if you WANT to look at his page. you can't. you have no choice but to move on....without him in your world...or at least your virtual world.
ok. so maybe I didn't exactly delete him. maybe he deleted me. he actually deleted all of my friends and family on there. When my boss realized he had been deleted he came up to me and said "man that guy had issues". Yes....yes he did. Since when cant we be friends on facebook? since when is it wrong to look at his page?
but i realized then, you know we all do the same thing. We facebook stalk. You want to see whats going on in his life. You want to see who hes talking to. It kills you throughout the day to know. So you look. Over. and over. and over. and there is nothing new. But you keep looking. and then you see something. something you DIDN'T want to see. something that makes you cry. and break down. You don't need that. A friend told me today "you have to stop looking". and that was insanely hard. and I continued to look. and then one time, when I looked...it said "no new posts." and I realized.....He deleted me. He was over it before I was. It would have been so much better if i deleted him first. If he knew I was done. I didn't want to look at his page anymore. Didn't want to see his status's about his day. Didn't want to see his new "in a relationship" posts. Didn't want to see his pictures.
Wouldn't that be nice though? to be able to have a delete button in life? Delete his memories. Delete his voice. Delete the picture I have of him in my head?
But girls.....Life doesnt have that delete button. BUT FACEBOOK DOES. Delete him....before he deletes you. That way....even if you WANT to look at his page. you can't. you have no choice but to move on....without him in your world...or at least your virtual world.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
day two - GYM!!!
Join a gym! or if you already have one...GO! I know it feels like you can't do anything. That the gym is the LAST place you want to be. Like you want to lay in bed and cry. I feel you. I'm right there now too. I got in my car after work tonight, and started crying. for no reason! Its like I'm on a freaking emotional rollercoaster. One second I'm up. One I'm down. But. I promise. The gym will help that. because just think of what Elle woods said (and if you don't know who elle woods is. I'm pretty embarassed for you. figure it out and make watching that your tomorrows activity!!!) "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." see! endorphins help your mood! even if you go to the gym for 10 minutes. It gets you up. gets you going. gets you out of the funk youre in for the ten minutes you're there. its worth it. I PROMISE!
Tonight after my stupid cry in the car...I drove straight to the gym. I already had a pass. granted, I never really went. But I decided. what better time to start right? So I put a rockin mix on my ipod and went to work on the elliptical. I left after burning 300 calories and feeling really good. Hey if anything, maybe i'll get skinny from this breakup...the right way!
Idea! We're gonna make this a 2for1. I was thinking...My rocking music helped me with my workout and the way I was feeling. So make a play list today! listen to these songs. Some are angry. Some are honest. Some just plain help me get through this. So here goes.
Since you've been gone - Kelly Clarkson
Fighter - Christina Aguilera
Before He cheats - Carrie Underwood
UnDo it - Carrie Underwood
Kerosene - Miranda Lambert
Love the Way you Lie - Eminem and Rihanna
F*ck you - Cee-lo Green
Seventy Times Seven - Brand New
F*cking Perfect - Pink
Listen to those. DO IT. Go to the gym. And feel better about yourself. Today is about YOU. about ME. A patient told me today "relationships are like trolleys...before one even leaves another one is on its way in". Well I guess thats true. Because my relationship with me is already starting. :-)
Tonight after my stupid cry in the car...I drove straight to the gym. I already had a pass. granted, I never really went. But I decided. what better time to start right? So I put a rockin mix on my ipod and went to work on the elliptical. I left after burning 300 calories and feeling really good. Hey if anything, maybe i'll get skinny from this breakup...the right way!
Idea! We're gonna make this a 2for1. I was thinking...My rocking music helped me with my workout and the way I was feeling. So make a play list today! listen to these songs. Some are angry. Some are honest. Some just plain help me get through this. So here goes.
Since you've been gone - Kelly Clarkson
Fighter - Christina Aguilera
Before He cheats - Carrie Underwood
UnDo it - Carrie Underwood
Kerosene - Miranda Lambert
Love the Way you Lie - Eminem and Rihanna
F*ck you - Cee-lo Green
Seventy Times Seven - Brand New
F*cking Perfect - Pink
Listen to those. DO IT. Go to the gym. And feel better about yourself. Today is about YOU. about ME. A patient told me today "relationships are like trolleys...before one even leaves another one is on its way in". Well I guess thats true. Because my relationship with me is already starting. :-)
Monday, March 21, 2011
Day ONE - Go to the doctors!
Go see all the doctors you've been putting off
Today I took a half day at work and decided to take care of ME. I literally begged the doctors to give me a last minute appointment and was able to go to the dentist, the endodontist (i THINK thats what its called?) and the gynocologist. I was able to take care of all the physical pain I was currently having (obviously the emotional pain will take a while!) I read all the trashy doctors office magazines. (caught up on all the gossip!) Made small talk with the doctors that don't really know too much about me (or my ex! thank goodness). And was able to deal with me. These were things I was putting off because I'd rather focus on my relationship than me. Day one felt really good to start to work on me. On MY life.
I will say though that maybe day 1 wasn't the BEST day to go to the doctors. I'm not gonna lie, when the doctor told me I needed a root canal I broke into tears! The doctor assured me it was alright, but I still think he thought I was kind of crazy. Girls....take note. Wait a few days for this!!
Looking forward to tomorrows adventure. Promise they all won't be so practical. Just need to get the basics done first. :-)
Today I took a half day at work and decided to take care of ME. I literally begged the doctors to give me a last minute appointment and was able to go to the dentist, the endodontist (i THINK thats what its called?) and the gynocologist. I was able to take care of all the physical pain I was currently having (obviously the emotional pain will take a while!) I read all the trashy doctors office magazines. (caught up on all the gossip!) Made small talk with the doctors that don't really know too much about me (or my ex! thank goodness). And was able to deal with me. These were things I was putting off because I'd rather focus on my relationship than me. Day one felt really good to start to work on me. On MY life.
I will say though that maybe day 1 wasn't the BEST day to go to the doctors. I'm not gonna lie, when the doctor told me I needed a root canal I broke into tears! The doctor assured me it was alright, but I still think he thought I was kind of crazy. Girls....take note. Wait a few days for this!!
Looking forward to tomorrows adventure. Promise they all won't be so practical. Just need to get the basics done first. :-)
moving on to ME.
We all know that guy. Trust me. I've dated him. I've dated alot of him. The one thats says "if I wanted a girlfriend, it'd be you". Or "you're who I see my future with... I'm just not ready right now." Or how about the ones that say I'm not good enough? Or my looks aren't enough? That make ME feel bad for who I am. Or the cheaters. The liars. Or even the ones that come off as nice, only to find out what an amazing con artist they were. I don't know whats more ridiculous.... the things they SAY or the fact that I actually believed it. Or wait, how about the one that 6 days after breaking up with me, has a NEW GIRLFRIEND. Yeah...thats happened to me. TWICE. I've dated them all. Fell for them all. And spend days. Weeks. Months. Even YEARS trying to get over them. Only to have them forget I ever existed.
I was starting to think maybe it was me. Maybe I was the problem. Maybe I was doing something horribly wrong causing these guys to break up with me. I was in my car yesterday trying to drive and not crash because the tears were coming down hard, and I thought....what better way to get over a relationship with HIM then to get in to one with myself. So here is my idea. One thing for myself each day. 365 days of me (or however long it takes to get over that stupid jerk)
So here goes nothing. Wish me luck! I know they'll be some ups and downs. Some break downs. Some triumphs. and hopefully. Some getting over the people that don't deserve my time. Day one here I come!
I was starting to think maybe it was me. Maybe I was the problem. Maybe I was doing something horribly wrong causing these guys to break up with me. I was in my car yesterday trying to drive and not crash because the tears were coming down hard, and I thought....what better way to get over a relationship with HIM then to get in to one with myself. So here is my idea. One thing for myself each day. 365 days of me (or however long it takes to get over that stupid jerk)
So here goes nothing. Wish me luck! I know they'll be some ups and downs. Some break downs. Some triumphs. and hopefully. Some getting over the people that don't deserve my time. Day one here I come!
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