Day 7 - Go to Church!

Go to church.

So.  I'm not the most churchy person as I have said before.  In fact, I find some of it to be rather lame.  I mean...I believe there was obviously something, or someone that created us.  i believe there is a purpose here.  I believe that you have to have faith in something.  but I hate when people devote their whole lives to going to church and serving Him.  They spend so much time trying to make sure they do what He wants, they forget how to live their own lives. I hate when people are singing songs about Christ and they throw their hands up to the ceiling as they're trying to reach Him.   Now, I'm not about to get into a religious battle.  Because i'll be the first to admit....i'd lose.  I dont know enought about religion, or the bible to argue whats true or not.  And whose to tell someone to not believe in something that helps them get through life?

Ok. back to the original purpose.  Go to church.  I woke up today not feeling so hot (probably because i drank last night in downtown).  I feel like yeah, my friends and family are doing a good job getting me through this.  but i still feel like somethings missing.  he's missing.  and its hard.  and it hurts.  and part of me thought....what if i turned to HIM.  (not him. but HIM. you know?).  Part of me laughed at the idea.....but part of me thought, why not try it?

So i got up.  got dressed.  and went to the 9:15 service around the corner from me.  I snuck in right as the service started so no one saw me.  there was a band.  and singers.  and music.  and the first lyrics i heard were these
    To everyone who's lost someone they love
     Long before it was their time
     You feel like the days you had were not enough
     when you said goodbye
     And to all of the people with burdens and pains
     Keeping you back from your life     You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
     Who can make it right
     There is hope for the helpless
     Rest for the weary     Love for the broken heart     There is grace and forgiveness
     Mercy and healing
     He'll meet you wherever you are
     Cry out to Jesus

And I began to listen.  I listened to the service and actually enjoyed it.  there was lots of music. lots of laughs. lots of relation to life today.  it wasn't what i thought it would be.  it made me smile.  and then came part i wasnt expecting.  communion. (i think thats what its called?)  We had to go up to the front and get the bread and juice to represent his blood and body.  They sang a sad song first, then had instrumentals playing while everyone took their piece.  I looked around the room and saw how people were praying.  Some were on their knees.  some had their eyes closed.  some had their hands up to the ceiling.  some were hugging their friends.  while i just sat there.  I didn't have this connection to god the way the rest of them did.  i didn't know how to.  I sat there in silence getting in my own head.  I wanted something to believe in. I wanted something to have faith in.  I wanted something to get me through the hard times. I wanted something to turn to when i had no where to go.  I wanted forgiveness when i made a mistake.  As these thoughts were running through my head...i realized.  tears were running down my face.  I was in the middle of church crying. The band finished the last song and released everyone.  I quickly snuck out so no one saw the emotional mess i had become. 

So i'm not quite sure who this girl is that cries all the time.  because i know for sure....thats not me.  And i cant promise that i'll go back to church next sunday.  but i will say.  for someone who hasnt gone to church really, today was really good for me.  I don't feel like i need church to believe in something...but i definitely have something to believe in...ME.